On a lighter note...

I shouldn't be encouraging you to spend too much time on the computer...but thought some jokes might brighten your day :)

Let's see if you are left- or right-brained...
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22556281-661,00.html

Some jokes playing on stereotypes...see if you can get them
An English teacher wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard of her Year 10 class and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The young men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The young women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Obedience
It seems that Reagan and Gorbachev arranged a competition to determine whose nation had the bravest troops. The two leaders arrived, at the designated hour, on a plateau in Finland high above the water. Each was accompanied by a battalion of crack troops, smartly uniformed. The leaders shook hands.
Reagan went first. He addressed his battalion of Marines:
"Private Jones! Front and center."
Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.
"Private Jones! March to the edge of the cliff." Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
"Private Jones! Jump!"
Jones just stood there, unmoving.
"Private Jones! I said jump!"
The man's knees started to shake, but he was otherwise motionless.
"Private Jones! This is your Commander-in-Chief. I ORDER YOU TO JUMP!!!"
Private Jones wailed out: "I can't! I have a wife--and a family!"
The MPs (military police) arrived and escorted Jones away for court martial. Reagan backed off in disgrace. It was now Gorbachev's turn.
"Comrade Dmitrivich! Front and center."
Comrade Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.
"Comrade Dmitrivich! March to the edge of the cliff."
Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.
"Comrade Dmitrivich! Jump!"
Dmitrivich jumped off the cliff. By some miracle, he is snagged on a branch and he lands on a crag some 50 feet below the top of the cliff. Dmitrivich is badly injured, but still alive and conscious. He is carried away on a stretcher.
As Dmitrivich is carried passed Private Jones, Jones cannot resist asking him:
"Dmitrivich! How could you do it? How could you jump?"
Dmitrivich answered: "I had to! I have a wife--and a family!"

New York, Central Park. Young girl is attacked by agressive pitbull. Everybody is watching but one man runs up to them and kills the dog. Policeman who saw it all walks up and says:
- You're a hero. Tomorrow, every newspaper will write: brave inhabitant of New York saved the life of a child! - But I'm not from New York...
- Never mind. It'll be: Brave American saved a child!
- But I'm not from USA... - So, where are you from? - I'm from Palestine Next morning newspapers wrote: Islamic terrorist murdered American dog.
(this is not meant to be racist...it's a reminder about stereotypes and how the media has the power to influence readers through the way they depict events and people)

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher". (I agree :))

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated" .

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand."

Definitions of common Words (Pls don't use these in the exams!)
Atom Bomb: An invention made to end all inventions.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Classic: A book which people praises, but do not read.
College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Anagrams (Use the letters in one phrase to form another phrase)
George Bush -- He bugs Gore.
Dormitory -- Dirty Room.
The Morse Code -- Here Come Dots.
Slot Machines -- Cash Lost In 'Em.
Snooze Alarms -- Alas! No More Z's.
A Decimal Point -- I'm A Dot In Place.
Eleven plus two -- Twelve plus one.